Joshua V. - The late night edition!

Chill out

Sometimes it seems like the world is out there just to overwhelm you. When this happens, you have to realize that this moment is the moment that sucks, and it could be a lot worse. I mean, you could be dead, or your phone could have just completely died while you are stranded on an island and you finally got a bar of service. 

We often forget that things could be a lot worse of then they actually are, so we magnify the moment that we are in right now. So sometimes its best that you step back from the situation, and take a huge breather. Realize that there are bigger problems at hand and that we don’t always have control over them. Sometimes you also have to realize too that you aren’t alone, and that there are people who are willing to help you. Generally, I mean you could make a lot of enemies and people could hate you, but generally there is at least someone that likes you. Even if that is a pet, that person/animal/imaginary friend is there for you to vent to and sometimes they are able to let you know that you are cared for and needed and that problem suddenly becomes so much more smaller than it was earlier.

I think thats why friends rock, even if they are pets. They make you feel like you’re understood and that someone actually does give a shit about you in this world. 

Sometimes its just nice to know that someone else is there.

The song in this post is “A Cold Wind Will Blow Through Your Door” by Bill Ricchini. The songs and the copyrights are not my own, nor do I claim them to be :)

Hot and Cold…

Don’t you just hate when you’re not sure what someone thinks of you, like honestly thinks of you, and this causes you madness since you’ve told them several times about how you feel about them. Yeah, well whats worse is when they NEVER say anything to you about how they feel and only seem to be interested in you when there is alcohol. Then you hit absolute shit storm when even while they’re drunk, when you ask them what they think about you or pour your guts and put your heart (skewered on a plastic sword of course) in their martini, they still seem to avoid your question and never give you a clear answer. 

Sometimes I wish that people weren’t so timid. I know I’m very timid when it comes to opportunities, but I mean when you give it to them on a silver platter and they sniff the dish and take a few items off the edges, but they never go for the entree. At that point you want to just grab them and pin them against a wall and seduce them, but you know that you can’t do that since they will think that you are too crazy and controlling from being very direct in your actions. But also, you realize that you teasing them isn’t quite working since they are very busy and never seem to remember that you are a friend in their life, even if there isn’t going to be anything more.

Sometimes I think that people end up doing this either because they love, and I mean truly love, the thrill of the chase. Its either that or they have so many walls that they are afraid to let people in or even trust to talk to that person about it. But sometimes you still dangle yourself in front of them and hope that they bite so that you can know what is going on at least.

We fear rejection and so we try to protect ourselves accordingly. What we don’t realize however is that we are shutting out people to being a part of our lives and see how deeply we can connect to them. This doesn’t have to be farther than a friend level though, and thats what people seem to forget. We forget that we can trust people sometimes and only focus on our bad experiences with people’s human nature of pride and greed. So even while we see someone putting themselves out for us, we tend to shy away from that person for fear of hurt and rejection.

But all that person putting themselves up for you on a platter is wondering is if you want them or even if you like them. Even if its for a physical reason, or to reassure them at night. If none of those get answered, then you wonder why those people don’t want you and you end up dwelling on that in your mind till it drives you mad. To the point even that you look down upon that person and get jealous of the people that they hang out with, but maybe only because you might be jealous that the person’s attention is focused on their friends and not solely on you. But hey, while you’re at the party, you might as well have fun. So don’t dwell on the negative, just go back to dangling yourself out there in that sea; and if that fish isn’t biting, then maybe you just aren’t the right kind of bait for that fish but you could be the right bait for an even bigger fish is pondering just when to nibble on your hook.

Sometimes I wish people were more blunt, that way neither side has any misunderstood expectations…

The song in this post is “Do you Fancy Me (Bluff)” by Kerry Leatham. The songs and the copyrights are not my own, nor do I claim them to be :)

Comfort

I’ll keep this post short and sweet since this song is exactly that. 

Sometimes we have people that we can confide in our inner most secrets. Sometimes this can be our best friend, mom, dad, siblings, lovers, ect. But who ever these people are, when we are having the worst times in our life that we could possibly have and it seems that the world is disintegrating all around us, we turn to them so that they can bring the world into perspective for us again. 

The only problem is that what if that person isn’t within immediate reach and you have to hold in what you want to say until you see them in person because what you need to say is much more than words and text? Thats when the world seems to be way more lonely that it actually is and you need to get what is bothering you off your chest or you might explode. You turn to other people and they give you good advice that seems that it could help, but usually you end up just playing out all the aspects in your head and not acting on it, or you do act on it and you feel like you really messed up. 

Then you talk to that one person in your life that you feel like you can entrust your entire life to, and suddenly it seems like if life isn’t so hard. It’s simple. Just you and that person in that moment in time, being together. Suddenly what was bugging you so much and had you so stressed out seems like something minuscule and not worth your time.

Sometimes its just the simple act of being there for someone that can make all the difference

The song in this post is “Grace” by Kate Havnevik. The songs and the copyrights are not my own, nor do I claim them to be :)

Lets face it..

Sometimes you have those interactions with people who you thought were gonna be good friends, but end up being incredibly awful as people. Usually this ends up with them being backstabbers, immature, annoying, fake, or an awful mixture of these and more. However, no matter how much you try to not be phased by them when they show you their true colors, you end up surprised. Sometimes this isn’t because you are shocked at how they are, no they usually give warning signs, but it is because it effects you a lot. You thought you could trust this person into your inner life, but this ended up being a bad mistake. This being said, you soon decide to delete them from your life.

But its not that simple, what if you have to face that person everyday? Or you’re in a situation where you might run into them? Do you ignore them? Do you be civil? What do you do? Or what happens if they are being a bitch to you, or ignoring you? What then? 

Well I was faced with this yet again, and instead of being the apologetic person that I always am, I decided that for once, I’m not going to be the one to grovel for them to be my friend again. I mean, come on. If you’re an awful friend to me, and I still want you to be my friend, I think that there is something wrong with my thought pattern. Course, I still like being a people person, and would take these people back as friends if they apologized for their actions or showed signs of trying to make a change in how they act. If not, then their not even worth anymore time in my thought process and I wish them well.

That being said though, I’m still glad that they were a part of the story that is my life, and I hope that they helped me to become a better person than what I am. But sometimes there are those people that you just can’t forget about, and when you’re mad at them, you wish that they had never entered your life. 

This experience helped me realize yet again about that one person in my life that never ceases to be in my mind. I realized about how sometimes I neglected them for the sake of my own personal experiences, not thinking about how my lack of communication, even at the basest level, was effecting them. Then I started going through the process of wondering what it would be like if I never met them and if I would be better off. I ended up being mad at them for not understanding me, and mad that they were changing the way that I viewed the world. Mad because I cared so much and was so attached, but mostly mad because I wasn’t sure what to do about it. Then I had a moment of clarity to properly place what I was actually feeling. It felt so sublime to reach a moment of clarity finally, and glad that finally I had some understanding, even if its just a fraction of understanding.

One day we’ll all be lucky enough to have the latter feeling of disdain for that person ever being in your life when you’re mad at them, and then you’ll realize that you can’t live the same without them in your life. You hate them for effecting you so much. You’ll dwell on thoughts of them all the time, and you’ll soon realize that the hate that’s bubbling up - that’s you hating the fact that you love them. No matter how much you hate them, you still end up loving them in the end. That’s all that any of can hope for, is love. 

There always has to be some rain, even in the most beautiful of paradises.

The song in this post is “Starting Now” by Ingrid Michaelson. The songs and the copyrights are not my own, nor do I claim them to be :)

Control
Its something we all want to do, but few of us can ever actually attain. I know that personally I have a problem with this. I feel like I have to know about how everything works and why it is like that so that I can better understand the world around me; this also goes the same with people unfortunately. I seem nosey and like I’m always prying when I don’t mean to, however its just in my nature. I feel more secure and safe when I know people and why things are the way they are and what to expect. The only bad thing is that I can’t ever know everything. No one can. This is what scares people. Makes people think crazy things, or things that eventually will make their own brains gnaw on itself. It makes you worry and makes you feel like you’re going insane. Paranoia. But sometimes there is a really simple fix to all this. Either you’re gonna have to know everything, or you’re gonna have to learn that you can’t control everything. If you can handle the fact that you can never be in control of anything other than your thoughts and actions, then you can allow yourself to free fall into this crazy life. Some people enjoy the thrill of falling, but I never do, which makes it harder for me to handle that I can’t be in control of everything ever. But I know eventually that I will be able to learn that I can’t be in control of everything and finally be at ease, and maybe have some crazy, fun, and spontaneous adventures that I can write about or learn from and laugh about. One day I will finally be ok that my life will go where ever it wants to, regardless of if I want it to go there. One day I will learn that people will act in their best interest, even if that means throwing you under a bus or tearing out your hear and ripping it into as many pieces as they possibly can. One day I will be ok with the randomness in the world and embrace it.

Maybe I have a God Complex, but sometimes it can’t possibly be as bad as its made out to be. Maybe I can use it for good, but only after I learn about control and how I have none of it.  But until then, Im gonna play Sims. 

The song in this post is “Ray Gun” by The Bird and The Bee. The songs and the copyrights are not my own, nor do I claim them to be :)

This song is exactly how I’ve felt all summer. Pretty much describes my love life in general I guess. But this song more appeals to me since its in a kinda peppy mood but has tones of sarcasm and hurt in it. It reminds me of something you’d hear in an ice cream parlor thats in the 50’s or something. Anyone who doesn’t know The Bird and the Bee… Im so obsessed with them. They have some pretty amazing songs that have gotten me through a lot. The lyrics speak so true, and their tunes are very catchy. But I was driving up to the mountains after feeling good enough to venture outside and was listening to the album and this song came on; and I was like, “YEAH! THATS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL!!!!” And since then I’ve decided that its my anthem for how I feel this month. I hope that you guys enjoy this song as much as I do. For the people who feel like the song applies to them as well, maybe its because being in that situation is actually kinda fun for us? Who knows. Lets find out though :).

This song is “You’re a Cad” by The Bird and The Bee. The songs and the copyrights are not my own, nor do I claim them to be :)